Emphasize the sweet

I supposed every month will bring a different sort of “hard.” But May seems to be one of those that is especially so. Part of that is Mother’s Day. But that isn’t where my mind and my heart have been the most.

Much of my #missingmitchell is the whole end of school year reminders… kids taking the ACT, going to Prom, talking about graduation, where they are going to college, or where they are playing hockey next year. Friends signing with colleges to play volleyball and hockey. With hockey being so much of our family and our lives, our hockey friends/teammates/family are in several different places. Some have moved away from home before graduation, to play in far-away places. Others are graduating this year; some will continue to play hockey for their colleges, others will play in men’s leagues just for fun. Still others are where Mitchell should be, looking forward to their junior or senior year, continuing to represent their city and/or their high school.

I’m so proud of all these young men and women, especially those who are trying to balance school and sports/scouts/theater and family and church and friends, and giving all of themselves to everything. Even though a lot of my posts are sad, THAT is what I want people to remember about Mitchell... live life to the fullest. Not just because you never know when you won’t have the chance, but simply because that is what life is, what it deserves. I am trying to remind myself of that, not always successfully, because there are a lot of days when I just want to throw the blanket back over my head and hide from the world (and some days when I do exactly that).

May is also hard because it is the last month when Mitchell was really truly 100% ALIVE. These Timehop pictures and Facebook memories are the last ones. The last time he played in the yard with Carson. The last time he played hockey. The last texts he sent me. Those little things all seem very important, very precious, very difficult. Sometimes it is the little things that are the biggest and hardest.

I think I have said before, but I was never one of those mothers that spent a lot of time wishing my babies were babies again. Even when Mitchell was just a few months old, then a year old, then five years old, I kept saying “THIS is my favorite age!” It got to be a joke, because it was true – whatever age they were, THAT was my favorite age. I love watching them grow. Okay, in all honesty, Mitchell at twelve and thirteen was NOT my favorite age, but Mitchell at fifteen and sixteen were turning out pretty well. Hume Fogg had helped him become comfortable with who he was, that it was not just okay to be kinda smart and very athletic and a little quirky, but that it was awesome to be those things. And you could like to read and to go to the theater and study history and like contemporary Christian music and know about a million hockey stats all at the same time. He was a very interesting, very smart kid who was growing into a very smart and kind young man. He was in my favorite age for him.

So, kids – explore, learn, live. There is so much to do, to be. You don’t have to pick any one thing, you can learn about and enjoy all sorts of things. Parents – don’t waste any minute of what you have now wanting what you had before. Enjoy your children where they are and where they are going. Not just because you never know when that can change (which is true), but that is because it is what you deserve, what your kids deserve, what life itself deserves. Yes, your relationship is changing, but that is so preferable to the alternative. I am not saying that their leaving for sports or college or marriage or whatever isn’t bittersweet, but I am saying to emphasize the sweet.

One of the very last things that Mitchell and I did together last year was to volunteer at the Nashville City Cemetery Memorial Day Dash, a 5K run held annually in support of the Nashville City Cemetery Association. Mitchell ran the race three or four times, and I had walked it a couple of times and volunteered a few others. Last year, he and I sat in the rain in front of the Adventure Science Museum handing out the water at the halfway point, and then left from there to go to A-Game to watch Carson play hockey. This year, the NCCA Board has let me know that this year’s race will be dedicated to Mitchell, as well as the servicemen and women that we honor each year on Memorial Day. If you’d like to join us as we run (or walk) to raise money for the NCCA and in Mitchell’s memory, you can register here: http://www.active.com/nashville-tn/running/distance-running-races/memorial-day-dash-5k-2016?int=72-2-A11