What if?

The "What if?" game can be a lot of fun to play. I know I have played many times in the past twenty years or so. I don't usually play the lottery, but probably about once a year, when the lottery jackpot gets pretty high, I'll spend $10 or $20 on powerball tickets. I know the astronomical odds of (against) winning, but usually, I figure I get my money's worth playing "What if?" What if we won?! College funds, home repairs, paid off house, vacation house, travel, endowments for a couple of non-profits we support, real estate, a couple of new ice rinks... Like many other people, we have a list.

Yesterday, I stopped a Kroger for a couple of things for dinner, and there was no one in line at the Customer Service desk, so I handed the CSR a $10 for Powerball tickets. I mean, $1.3 Billion-with-a-B?! I've got things I could do with some of that money, and I don't think they are selfish or greedy. Okay, some of them are, but honestly, I'd love to put most of that money to work for our community, not just our family. After this past year, I know so very well the value of generosity, and am so very appreciative.

But as we played the "What if?" game with the lottery, I am continually playing the "What if?" game about Mitchell, and about everything. What if he had been diagnosed earlier? What if a transplant had become available before the VADs had been implanted? What if the VADs had been successful? What if he'd been strong enough for a transplant? What if... There are so many.

But I ask other "What if?" questions, too. What if he hadn't been sick at all? What sort of hockey player would he have been if he hadn't been playing with a disability? I have to admit, I wonder about that. If he was playing at the level he played at with a heart working at 25% or less capacity, what kind of player would he have been well? What kind of person would he have been? How would he have made the world a better place? I know he did in his short life, but he had so much to offer, so much to give, so much he wanted to do.

These are the kinds of questions that can make a person crazy. And winning the lottery wouldn't have changed anything, anyway. (We didn't win... didn't even have one number!)

It seems appropriate, in some ways, that Mitchell was born on a Monday, on the day we celebrated the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. And this Monday, again, MLK Day, will be his birthday. Martin made an impact on the world. So did Mitchell.